Hey, Quick Question: How the Fuck Do I Accessorize This Gown?

Our very own Erin Gloria Ryan has been invited to a formal event this weekend and will wear this gown. But what else should she wear with it besides underwear? (Trick question! Don’t wear underwear.) Here are a few suggestions for accessorizing a simple yet striking black dress.

Erin could do what the model is doing and not even worry about it. I mean, look at this chick:


Even with her glasses on her head she is crushing it. I would just strongly advise wearing shoes that look more comfortable than the nightmares the model only had to stand in long enough to get her picture taken.

But, okay, so you want jewelry. When deciding what to pair with any outfit, it’s important to really get a feel for what the garment is already doing on its own. Remember in art class when you were taught to draw what you actually see instead of what you know to be there? Like, the unlit side of an apple appears dark purple sometimes, even though you know it’s red, so you should render it in purple. This gown, even though you might think of it simply as “a black dress,” has a LOT going on. There’s the high neck, sheer insets, an illusion midriff and trumpet hemline. This dress is doing much of the heavy lifting in creating a look.


Taking that into consideration, what do you think we should add? The answer? Not much.

Because the high neckline is already a focal point, earrings are only going to jumble things up. Either wear none or simple studs. A necklace would be ridiculous here given all of the interesting things going on with the bodice. Instead, opt for a statement bracelet or cocktail ring that respects the lines of the gown. Something minimal, modern. Something like:


Forever 21 Cutout Cuff, $5.90| R.J. Graziano Cuff, $33 | Chico’s Xandra Bracelet, $49 (Love the nails here, too.)


Maison Margiela Hinged Ring, $495 | Madewell Double Finger Ring, $22 | Forever 21 Square Cocktail Ring, $6.90

Let’s not forget about all the junk she’ll need to carry around with her. When it comes to evening clutches, it’s okay to play it a little wacky. Don’t ask me why, it just works.


Fornash Tortoise Clutch, $100| Urbancode Faux Fur Clutch, $51 | Lulu Guinness Lips Clutch, $439


And remember, the best accessory is a warm smile.


AS IF. Keep it icy.

Do you have a quick fashion question? If so, email jane.marie@jezebel.com.

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