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Fun-Ruining Senator Chuck Schumer Reminds Us That Children's Halloween Makeup May Contain 'Toxic Chinese Chemicals'

Illustration for article titled Fun-Ruining Senator Chuck Schumer Reminds Us That Childrens Halloween Makeup May Contain Toxic Chinese Chemicals

Chuck Schumer just realized that sometimes fun comes at a cost and rather than just be cool with that like the rest of us, he’s decided to try and ruin Halloween for everyone. As one could assume given even half a second to think about it, some Halloween makeup is made in China, a country reknowned for it’s fearlessness in the face of dangerous toxic chemicals. During a press conference this weekend, Schumer concerned-trolled you and your children thusly:

Every Halloween we worry about the candy we’re putting in our kids’ mouths but nowadays, we need to worry about the face paint we’re putting on our kids’ faces. Toxic Chinese chemicals in children’s Halloween makeup and face paint is a scary thought, and yet, often times, parents don’t even know what’s in these products. When it comes to the kind of makeup our kids slather on at Halloween, lead, nickel and cobalt do not belong, and so, I am urging the FDA to unmask the ingredients that are often left off of the packaging.


Next thing you know he’ll be urging psychopaths to stop hiding shards of glass inside Tootsie Rolls!

So, Halloween makeup crafted in China might contain lead or cobalt or nickel, or all three at once. Big whoop. In my day we wore lead uphill both ways to Halloween through the snow and we liked it. Besides, Halloween is one day. What’s one day of heavy metal exposure? Do you want to look like a proper zombie or not? Then you need to buy the horribly uncomfortable-to-wear $.99 half-dried-out palette of mystery Halloween makeup from the drug store and smear that shit on with purpose. Otherwise, what, you’re going to dress up as Jessica Alba for Halloween? Good luck!


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Image via Getty, illustration by Bobby Finger.

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JujyMonkey: unstable genius

What’s one day of heavy metal exposure?

Dunno. Can have disastrous results sometimes.