May 14
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Last month, I bowed my head, crossed myself, and announced, with a heavy heart, the Heinz ketchup packet shortage.…
Lillian Stone
lillianstone
Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.
May 14
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Welcome, foolish mortals, to the home of cadaverous casseroles, exsanguinous eats, and snack-related sagas so…
May 13
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The friendly skies just got a little friendlier: starting in June, United Airlines will become the first major…
May 13
2
If I were to, say, steal 14 cases of beer, I’d try to prepare a good cover story in case I got caught. A few…
May 13
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As a hyperactive slumber party attendee in the early aughts, I kept sour candy on my person at all times. I’d roll…
May 12
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What’s more delicious than celebrity? Eating lunch with a celebrity, perhaps. That’s the idea behind a new raffle in…
May 12
1
If you’d like to trade your bubble and squeak for a perfectly square hamburger, I’ve got great news for you: Wendy’s…
May 12
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It’s warming up (everywhere other than Chicago, where it remains a dismal 48 degrees at Takeout headquarters). That…
May 11
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Hello, beautiful fitness people. Do you want enormous muscles? Do you want to get pumped up? In the words of my…
May 11
1
I’m one of those people who makes one or two giant meals on Sunday, portions out four or five servings into little…
May 8
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Mother’s Day is coming up this Sunday, and it’s got us thinking about all the meals (and desserts) that our moms fed…
May 7
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This morning, we ran a story about a little lad who accidentally ordered nearly $3,000 worth of SpongeBob popsicles…
May 7
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Who among us hasn’t incorrectly filled 1,700 bottles of Hershey’s Chocolate Shell Topping with a bunch of Heath…
May 7
3
Back in the ’80s in Coralville, Iowa, a Ronald McDonald statue leered at McDonald’s visitors from atop a giant tree…
May 7
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Sometimes, you experience something so cute that it really raises the bar for future cuteness. As a former nanny and…
May 7
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The Descent is one of my favorite horror movies, because it asks a truly terrifying question: what if a race of…
May 6
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Texans like to brag that everything is bigger there, but Florida may be gaining serious ground. Exhibit A: the…
May 6
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If, like me, you’ve had “Cinnamon Toast Crunch” muted on Twitter for the last month, you may have missed this news:…
May 5
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What is it with pizzeria owners and fraud? A few months ago, we reported on a reformed con man pursuing a Michelin…
May 5
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The world’s been waiting with bated breath since 2018, when Fox Searchlight announced a biopic about Richard…