This weekend I participated in two beauty rituals that are probably nonsense: a professional facial and an at-home clay mask. The facial was part of a campaign to take better care of myself, and though it felt really good, I’m not convinced that 50 minutes of slathering non-medical-grade goo on anyone’s face, and then taking it right back off, has any lasting effects. Ditto for DIY masks. You know what probably is real? Lasers.

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Contact the author at jane.marie@jezebel.com.