Hey dudes. It’s Rainbow Time.

To pull off a rainbow eye, you’ll need a full ROYGBIV range of shadows. I used this Sephora palette my cousin gave me for Christmas. (Thanks, Heather!)

…and this shadow duo from the grocery store for the yellow and orange part of the spectrum.

Get a bunch of Q-tips. Get ‘em wet. Get eyeshadow on them. Color one of your eyelids orange and yellow, color the other blue and indigo. It is IMPERATIVE that you apply the colors in the correct order, otherwise you’ll look like some moron who doesn’t know the colors of the rainbow.

You can also use primer and dry shadow for this step, but don’t come crying to me when you have to scrub three metric tons of colored powder off of your cheeks and reapply your foundation afterward. (I like to use Q-tips because: easy, disposable.)

Put the red and violet pigments on the outside of your eyes.

Use green to bridge the gap. I applied it on either side of my nose; I like the little break between the color, like my nose repels rainbows or something.

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At this point you will look like a sugared-up toddler who just discovered magic markers. It’s okay! You just need to blend your ‘bow together a bit. Brush some dry shadow on over the color you’ve already applied to soften the edges of the colors. Blend the lighter colors slightly over the borders of the darker ones.

To avoid unintended color contamination, make like Bob Ross and take out your hostilities and frustrations on the brush between shades.

Now’s the time to waterline/tightline your eyes, if you want to. You could go a lot of ways here! You could use a silver liner; you could use a bright color. You could go with white to get a big-eyed anime thing going on. You could use black (and you would, if you were me!). Make an Instagram video of yourself lining your eyes, looking dead into the camera lens. Rejoice in your hard-won ability to freak people out by maintaining eye contact while you color on the inner rim of your eyelids. Smile.

If you screw up and end up with liner where it shouldn’t be, no big! That’s why you haven’t thrown away your damp eyeshadow Q-tips yet. Take a deep breath and fix it. Everything will be okay! If you stab yourself in the eye while recording your Instagram eye-lining clip, that’s really metal. #femininityforeverfuckers

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FAKE LASH TIME! Put on some mascara first, if you have pale lashes and are planning to wear dark falsies. Put a thin layer of glue on the band of one lash. Then you have to wait for a minute while the glue dries from gloppy-wet to tacky-sticky. Do something to entertain yourself so you don’t get bored and try to stick it on your eye too soon.

Look. If you want to actually learn how to apply false lashes correctly, go watch some tutorials. This is how I put them on:

Ta-dah!

WAIT.

Having successfully attached one fake lash to your face, suddenly remember that you had meant to put on liquid eyeliner before lashes. Go back in time and put the liner on first!

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(Rewind further than I did and put the liner on before you apply your mascara, while you’re at it.) I used NYX Gel liner in a pot, with my favorite junky old drugstore angled brush.

Paint that shit on. Use short strokes and then smooth them together. Breathe, be patient, use Q-tips to clean up if you fuck up. Nothing improves liquid eyeliner application but practice. This is why I always avoid wearing liquid eyeliner when I haven’t worn it in a while, and then my skills get even rustier while I keep putting it off, and then I reeeally suck when I finally want to wear liquid liner again months later. You and me, we’re in this together now/none of them can stop us now, we will make it through somehow, quoth the poet Trent Reznor. Take courage!

Put your lashes on.

Blush! Pick a color that looks good on you. Swoosh it onto your cheeks with a fluffy brush. Go light-handed: it’s easier to add more than to remove.

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Put some super shimmery eyeshadow on your cheekbones as highlighter. Apply in a very melodramatic fashion for best results.

When it comes to lips, your options here are limitless. You could go with naked lips, or Chapstick. You could wear a bright magenta to bring the visible spectrum on your face full circle. You could wear a nude shade that complements your skin tone, or a super shiny glitter gloss, or paint your lips in a rainbow of shades to match your shadow. Do what you want, man! I was feeling the idea of a subtractive color model mouth to contrast with the dispersed light-inspired eyes, so I decided to paint it black.

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When I wear black lipstick, I use my trusty NYX eyeliner as lipliner. (This acknowledged, for the love of god, clean and sharpen the eyeliner you used on your lips before you stick it back in your eye! Actually, just clean and sharpen your liner before every time you stick it in your eye, just to be safe. Cherish the limited vision with which you have been blessed.)

Get that lipstick on as much of your lips as you can without getting it all over your teeth. But if you do get it all over your teeth, who cares? Your eyes are radiantly beautiful.

Damn girl, does your eyeshadow reflect electromagnetic radiation in a range of wavelengths from about 400 to 700 nanometers? ‘Cause you stimulate my retinas!

Find yourself a sunny spot to relax in for the rest of the day. Your face? Is an optical phenomenon.

Dare to try this at home? We’d love to see the results. Take a pic and send us an email.


Jennifer Culp is an artist, writer, and accomplished procrastinator. Her work has been published on The Hairpin, The Toast, and The Mary Sue, and she is the founder and co-editor of Gamervescent.