Welcome back to Deep Cuts where we make fun of a bunch of hot junk that’s on sale and then secretly buy it anyway.

Cotton Cushion Cover, $4 (was $9.95) Life is short, take advice from pillows! Life is short, live in a dorm forever! Life is short, make it shorter by smothering yourself with this!

Mrs. Necklace, $80 (was $220) No. If you do this, we're never talking to you again.
Bow Ponytail Holder, $9.99 (was $16) This is actually really cute. Sue me.
Lace Garter Belt, $4.99 (was $6.90) They sell five-dollar garter belts at Forever 21. They also sold this perfect bra but now it's gone. Where's that pillow?
Tall D-Ring Bralet, $6 (was $40) If you think you can pull this off, you owe it to the world.
Weed Pants, One Dime Bag, (were a Dime and a Half.)
Boob Lamp, $99.99 (was $298) I mean. Also, put me in this when I'm done with that pillow.
Dick Earrings, $185 (were $370) Dick earrings come in all shapes and sizes, just like the real things.

Contact the author at jane.marie@jezebel.com.