My policy on gift certificates may as well be chiseled in stone: SPEND. DON’T EVER NOT SPEND. (It’s actually the opposite of that Ten Commandment against avarice.)

The most disappointing part of acupuncture was how I didn’t come out looking like Pinhead from Hellraiser, which most people already expect.

Most people already know not to expect to look like Pinhead.

Sara Lautman is a cartoonist. Her drawings and comics have appeared in The Los Angeles Review of Books, The Awl, Bitch Magazine, The Morning News, The Rumpus and elsewhere. She lives in Baltimore.