We haven’t even gotten over #TheBellyButtonChallenge yet and we already have to grapple with a new ridiculous and wholly unsubstantiated standard of beauty: The Collarbone Challenge.

Apparently being able to stack a bunch of change in your collarbone without it spilling out means you’re a sexxxy, sexxxy lady (via Cosmopolitan). The more quarters you’re able to balance behind your clavicle bone, the skinnier you are and, therefore, the more you deserve to live and be happy.

But fear not, for I can see under the surface to what the true challenge entails: How much change you have laying around your house.

Advertisement

I see you, girl out on social media—flaunting and flexing all that extra coinage you have stashed away in your childhood piggy bank. Maybe you’re the trap queen of the local laundry mat so you always roll deep with a pocket of quarters. You can’t trick me, internet—only incredibly attractive people have access to that much spare change.

At this point, I say we all just start making up this shit up on our own.

  • Measure the length of your ears to determine how sexually experienced you are
  • If your big toe is symmetrical, you have the best pheromones
  • If a pot of water boils when you walk past it, you might be kinda cute
  • Completing ten consecutive rounds on a Bop It means you’ve reached your peak child-bearing years.

I don’t know, guys! Nothing makes sense anymore. Beauty is a fallacy.


Contact the author at kara.brown@jezebel.com .