Here are a few promises about the nail art tutorials you're going to see around here:

1. We'll never use evil apps to fix mistakes or nasty cuticles, sorry.

2. We will always work with our non-dominant hand first. I'm a righty so I'll paint my right hand's nails using my lame left hand. This is so you can trust it's possible to do our art on your own.

3. The looks will be easy to achieve and actually wearable.

Shall we begin?

Step 1: Apply a base coat to clean, filed nails. Make a jerk-off gesture. Now go paint two coats of whatever nail polish color you want. I am going to use one from Chanel called "Black Pearl." You do not need a picture of this step; you're smart.
Step 2: Pick a nail color that contrasts the base color you chose. Put a big drop of it on/in something. (I like to use bottle caps or used gift cards as palettes.) Then get a dotting tool — these are available at drug stores nowadays, but you can also just use a toothpick. One end makes big dots and one makes small dots so if you're using a toothpick, snip off the tip of one end.
Step 3: Using the fatter end of the dotting tool, pick up a bit of paint and dot it down at the base of your nail in the center.
Step 4: Make sure to smash your middle finger into your dress right before it dries. Don't worry, the top coat will mostly fix this mistake but if it doesn't, just don't hold your hand super close to anyone's eyeballs.
Step 5: With the small end of the dotting tool (or pointier end of the toothpick) grab some paint and place a dot right above the first dot. Use a light hand for this step so that the dot is smaller. Repeat once more for a third dot.
Step 6: Allow the dots to dry for as long as possible before applying a top coat, otherwise they may smudge. The end.

Previously: How to Fix a Torn Nail. (And yes, haters, that is my patched nail still looking awesome a week later.)