Please Don't Do These Things to Your Lips

We, my friends, are living in a time where bigger truly is better. Bigger butts, bigger brows, and bigger lips are the new standard. And by “new” I of course mean “new” in the way that America was “new” when the Pilgrims showed up.

We already know that you can opt for ass implants or just some good old butt pads.
You can amp up your brows with powder, gel and perhaps a face merkin if you’re feeling bold.

But the lips—oh, the lips. Lip implants and injections have been around for a while, but what if you want a less permanent solution for your lip conundrum?

A company called Fullips Enhancers has created a product for that exact purpose. They produce plastic lip enhancers that you suction to your lips until they’re swollen.
Yes, you are literally traumatizing a part of your body and hoping that the effect lasts for an extended period of time.

As ridiculous as this product is, it really does seem to work—at least “for a couple of hours,” according to Ashley Gomez, daughter of Fullips creator Linda Gomez.
Ashley goes from Savannah Guthrie to (NO I’M NOT GOING TO SAY ANGELINA JOLIE AS IF SHE IS THE ONLY WOMAN ON EARTH WITH BOUNTIFUL LIPS) Naomi Campbell by sucking on those pieces of plastic for five minutes.

There really is some sort of bizzare science to the Fullips process. Fullips come in different sizes and shapes so the user can target a specific area of their lip to achieve the desired shape.

If you’re thinking “boy, I’d really rather not artificially swell my lips for aesthetic purposes,” then fear not, there are other options. You can try your hand at the below tutorial if you’re in the mood for an eight-step routine.

Now, the model’s lips looked nice and full from the get-go, so let’s ignore the extreme gratuitousness of this. Some questions you might be asking yourself:

How are you supposed to eat?
What if you accidentally wipe your mouth or have to blow your nose and some tissue grazes your top lip?
What if someone gives you a generous hug and half your mouth comes off on their shirt—not your lipstick—your mouth?

All valid questions to which I have no answers.

If I sound a bit smug about all this lip action, it’s because I absolutely am. OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED. As a black woman who has had full lips for her entire life, I can’t help but chuckle. Growing up, I was subjected to countless comments about my “big lips” and was often self-conscious about them. They didn’t jibe with the Eurocentric standard of beauty I was usually surrounded by.

Let’s not be naive and ignore the fact that full lips are a trait often associated with black people, or generally considered to be an “ethnic” feature, and has been used to mock and undermine the beauty of these groups. To this day, people still make cracks about Jay Z’s lips. This new lip obsession is yet another example of a physical trait or trend only becoming beautiful and desirable when it’s on a white body, so please forgive my lack of empathy.

Putting those issues aside for a minute, this all seems like a lot of damn work. Just let your lips live, people. They look fine! Play up another feature so you don’t have to go to the bathroom every two hours to suction your lips into submission. You always have options.

And if you still can’t turn away from the allure of full lips, enjoy this brief, hassle-free tutorial from our very own Maddie Davies.